Also could be titled, “I Was So Stressed Out That I Almost Vomited”, or “Drowning In My Own Sweat: The Mall On A Saturday.”
So, Brian had a busy weekend building my lovely box garden.
On Sunday I shamelessly pawned Joseph off onto him while he was working outside, but on Saturday he was doing some nailing, drilling, and sawing, that Joseph couldn’t be a part of. (Where is his sense of adventure?)
Joseph was in dire need of some new shirts after his last growth spurt, so I decided that the mall would be a good distraction
On a Saturday.
Don’t worry, I got what was coming to me.
Our mall also has these little car-stroller things that you strap your kid into and they can pretend to drive as you push them around the mall.
You have to rent them for $5, and when you return the car you get $1 back. $4 for a ride around the mall in a stupid car??!! I was horrified.
But, since I wanted this to be a fun outing, I decided to get one for Joseph.
So, I carried Joseph into the mall without a stroller so that I could rent one.
The cars were sold out.
At this point, I should have just turned around and left, but I decided to walk clear to the other end of the mall where there is another rental station.
Keep in mind that, at this point, the mall was soo crowded that I didn’t want to put Joseph down to walk. So, I was faced with either
a) carrying him the whole way
b) finding a car!
When I reached the other rental station, there was one car left! Hallelujah!
I whipped out my five (cash only machine), and inserted it into the car-vending-machine thingy.
It spit the five back out.
I put it back in,
the machine spit it back out.
Meanwhile, Joseph was crying and pulling on the car for all he’s worth.
I tried about a million more times, at this point sweating profusely.
I even asked a passing couple if they had a five that I could buy from them and try to put into the machine.
The machine spit THERES back out as well.
Again, at this point I probably should have left, but it was ON, BABY! Plus, that would have meant carrying Joseph BACK through the mall and all the way out to the car.
I tried and tried and tried to get that five in. To no avail.
Finally, a lady and her toddler came up to the rental center.
“Oh no!” she said, “There’s only that one left!”
“Don’t feel too bad,” I
sweated laughed, “This machine won’t even take anyone’s money anyway.”
The lady smiled sympathetically and said, “Here, try my five.”
I inserted it into the machine and- IT WORKED!!!
“Yay!” I shouted, shaking Joseph in pure joy!
“Yay!” Shouted the lady as she
That’s right, folks.
She stole my car.
Could she not see the desperation in my face?
Could she not see my sweat stains?!
Joseph and I were left standing there as I tried really, really hard not to cry.
In the end, it worked out okay- a few minutes later someone came to return their car and I paid THEM five bucks to let me use it instead.
Joseph loved it.
Shirts were purchased.
I’m still annoyed.
I hope that she got a flat tire.