Google Can Bite Me.

 

I got this idea from Jenners, a HILARIOUS blogger.  Thanks, Jenners!

Type your name and the word “needs” into the Google search engine.  For example, I typed “Caitlin needs.”  And then you get to see what they come up with!

(Sidenote!!:  Did you know that Google doesn’t want you to say that you “Googled” something.  They want you to say that you used the Google SEARCH ENGINE.  Thanks to my computer-minded husband, I know this.  They don’t want to become a synonym for all internet searches so that they don’t lose their identity.

For example:  When you blow your nose, what do you use?  A Kleenex, right?  Do you?  Or do you use a Western Family Facial Tissue?  We call them all Kleenexs now.  How about Bandaids?  Or are they Adhesive Strips?  See?)

Anywhoo…

Let’s see what Google thinks that I need.

FIRST SEARCH RESULT:

“…Caitlin needs a DIET…” :  Wow, Google.  Way to hit me right where it hurts.  Why you got to be like that?  Jesus and Brian love me the way that I am. If you were here, I would shove one of these Mike and Ikes I’m eating up your “nose.”  (wink, wink.)

2.  “Caitlin needs YOUR HELP!” : With what, Google?  Losing weight?  Jerk.

3. “Caitlin needs GAS-X.” :  Wow.  Talk about Big Brother.  How did you know that, Google?  According to my dramatic husband (and parents, and siblings…odd), I DO tend to have excessive gas.  I think that other people are just better at HOLDING it than I am.  Why hold it?  Who am I trying to impress around here?  You, Google?  Moving on.

4.  “Caitlin needs A ‘B’ IN CHEMISTRY…”:  Hmm.  Well, I DON’T actually, but thanks.  For the record, I totally ACED chemistry.  (Our teacher was a football coach who had to teach SOMETHING in order to be on the staff.  He used to ask ME for help.  And I wasn’t even good.)

5. “Caitlin needs A FARMER BOY.”:  Do I ever.

6.  “Caitlin needs to spend a large amount of time each day on the internet…” :  I SWEAR that it said that.  If you say so, Google!

7. “Caitlin needs immediate surgery for her condition…”:  What condition?  Liposuction?  Enough fat jokes, Google, I’m out.

It turns out that Google is kind of rude. 

So, you know what, Google? 

I am going to go GOOGLE some recipes for bread, and then I am going to go GOOGLE some pictures from the Academy Awards last night, and then I am going to think of things I want to know and

Google it.

Google it.

Google it.