I got this idea from Jenners, a HILARIOUS blogger. Thanks, Jenners!
Type your name and the word “needs” into the Google search engine. For example, I typed “Caitlin needs.” And then you get to see what they come up with!
(Sidenote!!: Did you know that Google doesn’t want you to say that you “Googled” something. They want you to say that you used the Google SEARCH ENGINE. Thanks to my computer-minded husband, I know this. They don’t want to become a synonym for all internet searches so that they don’t lose their identity.
For example: When you blow your nose, what do you use? A Kleenex, right? Do you? Or do you use a Western Family Facial Tissue? We call them all Kleenexs now. How about Bandaids? Or are they Adhesive Strips? See?)
Let’s see what Google thinks that I need.
FIRST SEARCH RESULT:
“…Caitlin needs a DIET…” : Wow, Google. Way to hit me right where it hurts. Why you got to be like that? Jesus and Brian love me the way that I am. If you were here, I would shove one of these Mike and Ikes I’m eating up your “nose.” (wink, wink.)
2. “Caitlin needs YOUR HELP!” : With what, Google? Losing weight? Jerk.
3. “Caitlin needs GAS-X.” : Wow. Talk about Big Brother. How did you know that, Google? According to my dramatic husband (and parents, and siblings…odd), I DO tend to have excessive gas. I think that other people are just better at HOLDING it than I am. Why hold it? Who am I trying to impress around here? You, Google? Moving on.
4. “Caitlin needs A ‘B’ IN CHEMISTRY…”: Hmm. Well, I DON’T actually, but thanks. For the record, I totally ACED chemistry. (Our teacher was a football coach who had to teach SOMETHING in order to be on the staff. He used to ask ME for help. And I wasn’t even good.)
5. “Caitlin needs A FARMER BOY.”: Do I ever.
6. “Caitlin needs to spend a large amount of time each day on the internet…” : I SWEAR that it said that. If you say so, Google!
7. “Caitlin needs immediate surgery for her condition…”: What condition? Liposuction? Enough fat jokes, Google, I’m out.
It turns out that Google is kind of rude.
So, you know what, Google?
I am going to go GOOGLE some recipes for bread, and then I am going to go GOOGLE some pictures from the Academy Awards last night, and then I am going to think of things I want to know and