“Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…”

 

9:00 AM

“Poison Control Center, can you hold please?”

Me:  “Ummm….I’m not sure?”

Poison Control Center (PCC):  “What is the problem?”

Me:  “My son ate some shampoo…”

PCC:  (interrupting) “Please hold.”

Me:  “Okie dokie…”

(Classical music playing, apparently to soothe Moms whose children are vomiting and dying as they are on hold.)

(Me thinking: please let it not be an ironic twist that Joseph has skulls and crossbones on his pajamas this morning...)

PCC:  “Poison Control Center, this is Marge.” (Most monotone voice imaginable.  Get some enthusiasm, Marge, you have a pretty intense job.)

Me:  “Hi there, my baby ate some Head and Shoulders shampoo, and I was wondering what to do.”

Marge:  “How old is your baby?”

Me:  “He is actually a year old.  I just left for a second to put my clothes on..hehehe (awkward, nervous laugh)…you know how quick these kids can be…hehehe…"

Marge:  (interrupting again)  "How much did he eat?"

Me (scrubbing the carpet):  "Well, judging by the amount on the carpet...hehehe, I'd say only about a teaspoon.."

Marge (completely monotone still):  "Okay let me check."

(Apparently, the Poison Control Center is not a laughy-laughy-happy kind of place.  Jokes are NOT appreciated.)

Marge:  "Looks like he will be fine.  Just give him some water, and keep him upright.  You may expect some vomiting in the next hour or so."

Me:  "Oh.  Okay, so I don't need to do anything?"

Marge:  "Give him some water, and keep him upright."

Me:  "Okay, GREAT!"  (maybe a little too chipper?)

Marge:  "May I ask where you are calling form, Ma'am?"

Me:  "Boise, Idaho."

Marge:  "Your phone says you are in Portland."

Me:  "Oh, hehehe, it is a cell phone and..."

Marge (interrupting):  "Well, next time, you should call from a land line."

Me:  "Oh."

(Awkward silence)

Marge:  "Thank you for calling, please inform me if his condition worsens."

Me:  "Okay, thanks, I..." (phone is dead.)

I stop scrubbing the carpet and walk into the kitchen. 

Where is Joseph?

Hope yours (and mine) isn't filled with blue vomit.

(PS:  Joseph went back to sleep this morning, and slept until 7:15.  I love him so much.)