Monday, November 24, 2008

“Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…”


9:00 AM

“Poison Control Center, can you hold please?”

Me:  “Ummm….I’m not sure?”

Poison Control Center (PCC):  “What is the problem?”

Me:  “My son ate some shampoo…”


PCC:  (interrupting) “Please hold.”

Me:  “Okie dokie…”

(Classical music playing, apparently to soothe Moms whose children are vomiting and dying as they are on hold.)

(Me thinking: please let it not be an ironic twist that Joseph has skulls and crossbones on his pajamas this morning...)

PCC:  “Poison Control Center, this is Marge.” (Most monotone voice imaginable.  Get some enthusiasm, Marge, you have a pretty intense job.)

Me:  “Hi there, my baby ate some Head and Shoulders shampoo, and I was wondering what to do.”

Marge:  “How old is your baby?”

Me:  “He is actually a year old.  I just left for a second to put my clothes on..hehehe (awkward, nervous laugh)…you know how quick these kids can be…hehehe…"

Marge:  (interrupting again)  "How much did he eat?"

Me (scrubbing the carpet):  "Well, judging by the amount on the carpet...hehehe, I'd say only about a teaspoon.."

Marge (completely monotone still):  "Okay let me check."

(Apparently, the Poison Control Center is not a laughy-laughy-happy kind of place.  Jokes are NOT appreciated.)

Marge:  "Looks like he will be fine.  Just give him some water, and keep him upright.  You may expect some vomiting in the next hour or so."

Me:  "Oh.  Okay, so I don't need to do anything?"

Marge:  "Give him some water, and keep him upright."

Me:  "Okay, GREAT!"  (maybe a little too chipper?)

Marge:  "May I ask where you are calling form, Ma'am?"

Me:  "Boise, Idaho."

Marge:  "Your phone says you are in Portland."

Me:  "Oh, hehehe, it is a cell phone and..."

Marge (interrupting):  "Well, next time, you should call from a land line."

Me:  "Oh."

(Awkward silence)

Marge:  "Thank you for calling, please inform me if his condition worsens."

Me:  "Okay, thanks, I..." (phone is dead.)

I stop scrubbing the carpet and walk into the kitchen. 

Where is Joseph?


Hope yours (and mine) isn't filled with blue vomit.

(PS:  Joseph went back to sleep this morning, and slept until 7:15.  I love him so much.)



T Rex Mom said...

A little "Office Space" at home?!? T-Rex has been eating dog food but I haven't called poison control yet. Fun morning! It must have been that extra sleep this morning! Maybe the ear tubes are paying off! Awesome post!

mommy molden said...

HI.LAR.I.OUS!! You are killing me with these laughter induced contractions! Could you please be boring until I have this baby!!!

Maureen said...

Get Ready, Get Set Momma... it's only JUST begun = I agree with Christin that was HILARIOUS!!!