So, I was taking a pair of Joseph's pants out of the dirty clothes basket in my laundry room, and out fell the most hated of all creatures in my little world.
Now, I hate ALL bugs (in my house! I know that they are God's creatures, yada, yada, so I leave them alone when they are outside), but Earwigs are my least favorite by a mile. Disgusting.
I did what I always do when I see a bug-
1) Try not to burst into tears. (Why do I feel like crying?)
2) Think frantically of how I could Not Deal With This.
ie Is there any way that Brian will come home right now and save me?
Or Where is my Daddy?!
And then I ran to get the vacuum.
I came back about 5 seconds later (adrenaline makes me run fast. And some kind of a bribe- like cookies.) and...
you guessed it...
the earwig was gone!
I once again tried to fight back tears and ran to get Brian's BBQ tongs.
I proceeded to
Use tongs to pick up everything that I thought that the earwig could be under and
Use tongs to shove everything in sight into the washing machine and push start.
I tried to pull it together and walk away.
But then, Heavens to Betsy! There was something pinching inside my underwear!
So, of course, I had to strip down completely naked while shrieking and hopping around with the BBQ tongs.
Nothing was there, of course.
The pinching was all in my head.
Where is the earwig?
Well, I can tell you where it is not, because I looked. With the tongs.:
my shoes (any of them)
my detergent-dispenser drawer
In my dirty clothes hamper
under the washer or the dryer.
Wouldn't you think I could have just taken off my shoe and smashed that darn bug when I had the chance?
And please tell me that somebody else wipes down their library books when they bring them home? Who knows where those things have been?!