Saturday, January 3, 2009

What Does That Make Brian…?

 

The other night we heard a knock on our door.  Brian was reading to Joseph, so he called me to come and get it.

After peeking through our beside-the-door-window to make sure it wasn’t some psycho killer (why would they be knocking?  And what do they look like?), I opened it to find a young lady standing there.

She smiled at me and said,

“Is your Mom or Dad home?”

WHHHHHAAAATT?

My Mom or Dad?

All of my life, I have heard that I look young.  But now, at 24, do I still look young enough to be living at home with my Mom and Dad? Really?  Do I look under 18? 

And what, exactly, is it about me that looks so young?

Is it my complexion?  Because adults gets zits too, you know!!

(If you had told the 14-year-old me that I would still be having break-outs at 24, I would have cried all four of my dorky little eyes out!)

Is it my chubby cheeks? Lots of women have chubby cheeks, you know.  My mom does (sorry Mom, but you know that you do…), and nobody thinks that she’s 16!! (Although, they do think that she is 30… kiss!  kiss!)

The pontytail

The glasses?

The HUGE breasts?  (Okay, I don’t have huge breasts, but I do have a HUGEly stuffed bra!)

And, here’s what, for me, makes it even worse.  I bet you a million trillion bucks that I was, in fact, OLDER than the dimwit standing in front of me!  She was 19, max. 

She must have noticed the look on my face, because she said, “Oh, ummm…I mean, are you the lady of the house?”

Yes.” I replied.

Oh, haha, sorry about that, I don’t have my glasses on,” lied the LIAR. 

If you can’t see my face without your glasses, then I am pretty sure that you shouldn’t be DRIVING without your glasses.

She went on to try to sell me some frozen meat. 

I lied and said that we were vegetarians,

and shut the door before I snapped her skinny teenager spine between my massive child-bearing thighs!! 

Take that, you blind, presumptuous, meat-seller!  

I turned to find a laughing, laughing, laughing Brian. 

But, really, the joke is on him.

Because, if the high-school-drop-out-meat-selling-chick is right, and I DO look 16, then that would make him either

1) a pedophile, or

 2) my father.

4 comments:

Momma said...

There is the sassy blogger we know and love.....and have missed these past few weeks. By the way, I see NOTHING wrong with your chubby cheeks OR your thighs.

Brian Bews said...

Kegel, kegel, I just peed my pants...laughing!

britney said...

Oh my gosh! That made my day...I am still laughing. Thank you for that...at least I don't feel so alone when I read your blog drama.

T Rex Mom said...

Love it! But enjoy it while you can. You're only young once. Thanks for the laughs!