Monday

 

 

Today started like every other day: with a prayer for me to have patience with my children.

And it ended like pretty much every other day: with me losing my fool mind at these little animals.

There were good things too- I danced with the kids to my favorite Christmas song and made them laugh. 

(I will not apologize for Christmas music in November)

(I AM sorry that I have been playing it since September)

I took them swimming, and I looked way more interested than I was at all of Joseph’s ninjago-facts!

But I know that I yelled more than I should, I lost my temper, and the last words I said to Isaac were, “I don’t care! Stay in your bed or you will get a punishment!!!”

He did stay in bed, and now I sit in a quiet house feeling guilty.

Looking through pictures of my sweet boys, thinking back over the day and tearing up a bit because Oh! How I LOVE THEM!  And I how I wish I could do better for them!

 

And I know you are going to say that it is the wishing to do better that makes me a good mom (bless you all!), but how I wish I was a good Mom for being patient, or using only kind words, or…I don’t know!…having a cookie jar always full of warm fresh cookies or something!  And a pony! I want a pony too!!

I will log off of this computer in a minute, feeling equal parts chagrined (mistakes of the past) and hopeful/determined (to do better in the future)

I will unload the same dishes that I unloaded this morning, and pick up the same toys that I picked up last night.

I will kiss my sleeping babies (blowing a kiss at Samuel, lest I wake the sleeping cherub!), and whisper “I love you” and, sometimes, “I’m sorry.”

Then I will go to bed, refreshed, as Caitlin, and awaken (too soon!) as Mama, praying for patience again.

 

Motherhood.