Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Things I said in the grocery store today

(A sequel to my previous post)

(with random pictures of the boys in the backyard)

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Another day, another grocery store!  We have been out of, well…food… for a while, so I have a million errands to do. 

 

Things that I said while at WINCO:

 

- Yes, Joseph, you DO still need to hold my hand when crossing the street.

- No, if a car doesn’t see you crossing, you can’t just “lay down really fast and let the car pass on top of you while you are in-between the tires”

- Isaac, please stop licking the cart.  I’m not sure why I have to be still saying this when you are three and a half.

- Joseph, please get off the ground.

- No, we aren’t getting that.

- No, we aren’t getting that.

- No, we aren’t getting that.

- Please stop shaking my grocery list.

- Onion is spelled “O-n-i-o-n”.

- No, I don’t know why it’s spelled that way-  What an excellent question.

- Isaac, please get off the ground.

- Stop touching Samuel’s face please!

- No, you can’t pull the bulk food levers.

- Okay,okay, okay, you CAN pull it, but only if I’m helping you…

- See?  That’s why I first said that you CAN’T pull the bulk food levers!

- Stop touching Samuel’s face.

- No, we aren’t getting that.

- Ask me again and you can’t have your treat!

- No you can’t eat that thing off the ground you picked up!

- STOP TOUCHING SAMUEL’S FACE!

 

Well, that’s just off the top of my head.

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And the grocery store I went to has the added bonus of making you bag your own groceries, just when you are the sweatiest and inches away from the finish line!

The boys were fighting over who gets to push the button that makes the groceries go down the conveyer belt, and Samuel was crying (he doesn’t like his face touched, darnit!), and I was lifting groceries on the conveyer, and pulling Isaac OFF the conveyer, and I smiled at the people next to me and said,

“this is EXCELLENT birth control!”

only to notice that-whoopsy!- she is actually currently pregnant, with what appears to be their first child (no dark circles under her eyes) and that she was actually stroking her belly lovingly at that exact moment.

 

So, I had to right away switch modes into relishing-every-minute Mom and talk about how SWEET and HELPFUL my boys were being, how its nice to have COMPANY at the store, and how motherhood is a MAGICAL FAIRYLAND that she gets to enter! so soon! how exciting!  

And its not that I don’t’ feel all of those things, of course, but I was certainly not feeling any of those things at that moment.

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We waved goodbye to the lady

(and wished her good luck!)

(she’s going to need it some day!)

and I loaded my many boys into the car, giving them their bag of bulk candy that I had bribed their tear-and-punch-free shopping trip with.

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We made it home, and I left them strapped in the van with said bag of candy while I unloaded 5 trips into the house.  And oh! how nice and quiet they were being!  

Which is when I  found Isaac sitting in the carseat with

the plastic bag (tightly stretched!) over his head.

I shrieked, ripped it off, and began my plastic bag=danger lecture (they’ve heard it before)

only to have Joseph roll his eyes and say, “But MAMA!  He has had it on his head for a while and he didn’t DIE!!”

And then I tied my tubes myself.

The end.

6 comments:

The Semore Family said...

Oh my gosh I just love reading your blog!!!! Always makes me laugh & I can totally relate!

Maureen said...

SO FUNNY! Sometimes I just wish I could be constantly available to help you out darling daughter in law!!! But, if you didn't have these experiences, we wouldn't have these hilarious blog entries, right???

Robyn said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I needed this! Love it, I say all of those things over and over as well.

grandma said...

HYSTERICAL!

T Rex Mom said...

Your dialogue of such events is always entertaining. Wait until that women in the check out is no longer well rested. I feel like all we say at the grocery store is "excuse me" because one the the kids is always running into someone or I crash the giant race care cart into someone or something else.

suzy said...

hahahahah! laughing out loud! SO funny!!! man I am loving this marathon of catching up!