I had a teensie tiny little stress-induced breakdown recently.
I had so many things that I needed (wanted) to get done, I was (am) still behind from my illnesses, the house was a disaster, the kids were in need of constant parenting, and I found myself tipping off of that edge of sanity that I had been teetering on for a while.
I escaped, crying, to a quiet place, where two things hit me:
1) Almost all of my self worth is tied up in the condition of my house
2) I can’t keep doing this anymore.
So, I approached my darling husband with this announcement (what a Sunday treat!) and he expressed his willingness to help more while also reiterating the fact that he does.not.care what the house looks like. More than that- he does.not.notice what the house looks like!
Then, he came to me with the most romantic thing he has ever penned on paper: A pie chart.
But not just any pie chart! This was a pie chart of what makes up my value or “worth” to him.
Can you guess what was on there?
My friendship. He finds value in my friendship with him.
Also my mothering/nurturing role and the loving relationship I have with my children.
A few other things too- I’m not going to share everything…
but can you guess what was NOT on the list?
My housekeeping skills.
He finds 0% value in the fact that I can (in theory) create a spotless house.
He would rather I be kind to my children and enjoy them than have all the dishes loaded up. (so would my children!)
He would rather I laugh with him, snuggle up to watch a movie, or talk about our future than have socks that are put away in his drawer.
So why am I doing anything else? Isn’t it their opinion of me that matters most? Why am I bashing my head against the mountain of housework over and over and over at the expense of my sanity, my personality, my relationship with my family members?
I feel as if a weight has been lifted!!
And that is how Brian snatched me back from the edge. Not bad for a pie chart!
He is now out of clean socks.
3 comments:
LOVE THAT!!! Mostly because he made you feel so much better with his oh so honest and unique pie chart :)
I enjoy your blog SO much, always have! But now that I am a mother to a baby boy it just resonates with me that much more. PS I would appreciate Brian having a talk with my husband about this pie chart thing because my husband still thinks a clean house and laundry needs to have a pretty big slice. Maybe I need to have more than one child for the slice to get smaller?;)
Breanna- I'm glad my blog is resonating with you! and congrats on your baby boy! :) I lucked out that Brian never really cared about housework or laundry...but maybe that is just because he couldn't have a clean house/laundry without also having a crazy wife? So maybe you are trying too hard? ;) But I do also agree that their expectations go down the more kids you have...about a LOT of things! wink wink!
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