I surprised the boys this morning by serving their breakfast looking like this
They barely acknowledged me and continued demanding unending bowls of cereal!
It was terrifying.
Samuel, however, found my look to be a little more…hair-raising.
Happy Halloween!
I had a teensie tiny little stress-induced breakdown recently.
I had so many things that I needed (wanted) to get done, I was (am) still behind from my illnesses, the house was a disaster, the kids were in need of constant parenting, and I found myself tipping off of that edge of sanity that I had been teetering on for a while.
I escaped, crying, to a quiet place, where two things hit me:
1) Almost all of my self worth is tied up in the condition of my house
2) I can’t keep doing this anymore.
So, I approached my darling husband with this announcement (what a Sunday treat!) and he expressed his willingness to help more while also reiterating the fact that he does.not.care what the house looks like. More than that- he does.not.notice what the house looks like!
Then, he came to me with the most romantic thing he has ever penned on paper: A pie chart.
But not just any pie chart! This was a pie chart of what makes up my value or “worth” to him.
Can you guess what was on there?
My friendship. He finds value in my friendship with him.
Also my mothering/nurturing role and the loving relationship I have with my children.
A few other things too- I’m not going to share everything…
but can you guess what was NOT on the list?
My housekeeping skills.
He finds 0% value in the fact that I can (in theory) create a spotless house.
He would rather I be kind to my children and enjoy them than have all the dishes loaded up. (so would my children!)
He would rather I laugh with him, snuggle up to watch a movie, or talk about our future than have socks that are put away in his drawer.
So why am I doing anything else? Isn’t it their opinion of me that matters most? Why am I bashing my head against the mountain of housework over and over and over at the expense of my sanity, my personality, my relationship with my family members?
I feel as if a weight has been lifted!!
And that is how Brian snatched me back from the edge. Not bad for a pie chart!
He is now out of clean socks.
The past couple of weeks have been a teensie bit rough around here. Not like real-world rough, mind you (and I’m thankful!), but just its-spelled-caitlin type rough.
(they made me wear this in the doctor’s office, but Joseph said I looked like a BLUE NINJA, so I didn’t mind much)
If you ever stop hearing from me for a few weeks, you can bet that things are rocky over here in three-boys-age-5-and-under-ville. Or that I have rediscovered my love of sleep (glorious sleep! Why am I still awake right now?!), or that Brian and I have discovered a new tv show on Netflix, or…well, just don’t bet on anything it turns out. I’m a mystery!
But, back to the roughness.
I have been sick again- twice- since we last spoke, and completed another round of antibiotics for yet another sinus infection. Oh, actually I’ve been sick THRICE if you count a 12 hour tummy bug I had. And that Isaac had in a big big way.
Also, Brian was out of town for SIX freaking days to NYC, and…well…I can’t remember what else really.
Some stuff that felt rough at the time? Oh, and I slammed my head in the car door this morning (it still hurts!), Samuel broke a big glass bottle of curry sauce in the middle of an aisle/the cart/Joseph’s outfit (it had a good 12-foot-arc), and the wheel fell off of my very favorite stroller tonight while I was on a walk far from my house, so I had to push the stroller back all the way like this:
Ahem. Told you they were caitlin-type problems!
But, my point is this;
even when things feel rocky around here (rockier than they actually are in reality, it turns out), it only serves to highlight the moments of wonderful that happen alongside.
Isaac coming over to kiss Samuel’s feet while I am nursing him, and making him laugh and laugh.
Samuel’s bunny imitation. (video soon)
Joseph dancing without inhibition along with the characters of White Christmas
(if you tell him I told you this I will end you)
(also if you tell him it isn’t called a Graham “Crapper”)
Isaac telling me that he loves me more than his favorite candy.
and holding my hand, briefly, on the bus during his first field trip.
It is these moments (and more that have faded already) that remind me how truly, truly, truly blessed I am.
How my strong body can recover from illness and squeeze 3 healthy little boys and one big hunk of a man, back home to his woman after working so hard for us.
And if that counts as rough? I…don’t want to… be smooth??
I think you understand what I mean.
.
(walking Joseph to school is a chilly business and can make Samuel feel quite peevish)
Autumn is my FAVORITE season, and autumn in Oregon is an especially tasty treat for the senses.
I remember, as a girl, my mom talking to me about how much she loved autumn, and how it always made her feel as if something exciting was about to happen.
I remember cocking my head and concentrating to see if I felt it too. Imagining myself as a mother, having fall babies perhaps? (I have planned two- Joseph and Samuel- for this very reason), and telling them about the anticipation in the air.
I can feel it.
Not for the faint of heart!
(click on it to watch it in HD on youtube)
DON’T WORRY! : No Isaacs were harmed in the making of this video-
He flipped completely over and landed on his feet!
(we are hoping for an athletic scholarship)
(and calm, law-abiding friends)
Yesterday, I locked my keys in the car for the first time ever.
And I will have you know that I have sat here for the better part of a hard candy thinking back, back, back before I made that statement- and I stand by it! It has never happened before!
I am thankful that:
a) it was not raining
b) Brian was only 15 minutes away (and answering his phone)
and
c) No one touched the pair of underwear that was mysteriously laying abandoned in the parking space next to us.
But, if you look at the picture above, you will see that Samuel found the parking-lot-barkdust to be particularly tasty.
This lockout did prove to be bad timing, however, as it happened directly after I received my flu shot from the pharmacy inside. Waaah! Poor wittle Caitlin and her poor wittle throbbing arm!
And I had asked the pharmacist how long I would have to wait for a flu shot, and she said about 20 minutes.
So I said, tee hee, do you think it could be any sooner? Or should I go somewhere else, maybe? You see I have these three (jumping, shouting, doughnut-demanding) boys…
She said, “Oh, okay, I would say it will be more like 10 minutes”
and then went ahead and made me wait about 20.
Well played, pharmacist, well played.
But no need to calculated HOW far after, right? There are no prizes for timeliness on your own blog!
Can you believe that my baby is ONE??!!
(samuel on his actual birthday)
We didn’t have a “party” for him per se (he is only 1 and wont remember. Plus third child. Plus I’m tired.) but the weekend before we had dinner, pie, and presents at my wonderful inlaws’ house.
On his actual birthday, Isaac helped me make cupcakes, Joseph helped me decorate them,
and my sweet parents came over to celebrate with more dinner, cake, and more presents.
This baby is SO well loved folks! It has been wonderful having him around family for his first year, and both Brian and I agree that with all of the people whom he loves/who love him close by and with his older brothers- Samuel has it pretty darn good!
A letter to my baby:
Dear Samuel,
Oh, how I love you!
You are such a sweet, inquisitive, affectionate, unobtrusive addition to our family!
Your Dada and I talk all the time about what a sweetie you are, how stinkin’ cute you are, how fun you are, and how we are so lucky to have you.
(you were laughing because I put my hood on. Mama is HILARIOUS!)
You have just finally gotten over your first real sickness, which means that you are back to almost sleeping through the night
(hence this blog post finally)
and- guess what?! After TWELVE MONTHS, I can finally proclaim that you are an excellent napper!
You love your Mama the best, with your Dada a close second (and getting closer to edging me out all the time)
and you find your brothers endlessly entertaining!
Your two favorite things are water and playing outside. (I caught you last week EATING SPIDER WEBS!)
You still don’t eat very much food- you would prefer to exist on only carbs and (sorry future teenage Samuel!) BREASTMILK.
You sign for “milk” now, and occasionally “all done” and “more.”
You can say “outside”, “bubble,” “mama”, “dada”, and make the noise for pig and dog. Although, you REFUSE to do any of the above on command.
You are cautious around strangers and new things/ noises. Not fearful and crying like Joseph was, not outgoing and friendly like Isaac- you are right in the middle.
You weigh almost 28 lbs (98%) and 33 inches (off the charts)
You love your blankie, and have a budding attachment to a stuffed elephant.
You LOVE books, and will sit for as many as I will (can) read to you.
You are slow to cry, but also slow to be comforted.
You don’t like people to hold your hands.
You have the softest, sweetest smelling hair.
You are my sweet, squishy baby and
I thank God for you every. single. day!
I love you Samuel Brian!
Love,
Your Mama
