So very pregnant.
And, before you all launch into stories about how your great-aunt was a month overdue…I’m just going to go ahead and say that I bet I out-measure her. I am huge. Also, tell your aunt that no one likes a show off.
I am the kind of pregnant that I forgot exists.
The kind of pregnant where you can’t get out of a chair without swinging your giant orb of a belly around for momentum.
The kind of pregnant where you are always out of breath because a) you’re kind of fat and b) there is a foot in your ribs. Seriously. Toes in your ribs. Gross!
The kind of pregnant where people have stopped commenting on how cute you look, and instead just stare and wonder who let you out of the house.
The kind of pregnant where the store clerks eye you warily. You have become a liability strolling through the frozen food, since clearly you could combust and drop out a baby at any moment. (Clean up on Aisle 2…)
The kind of pregnant where shooting pains suddenly occur in the most private of places. Usually while you are talking to a bank teller or a delivery man. You are all, “Thank you so much for…” ZING!!!… your cervix spasms and yet you have to play it cool. Because, it is not necessarily socially acceptable to speak of cervical or vaginal pain with strangers. I’ve heard.
So, yeah. That’s where I am.
I don’t mean to complain.
Well, I DO mean to complain, but keep in mind that I DO know how lucky I am to be blessed with a healthy (huge), full-term (huge) baby in my uterus.
I enjoy being pregnant, for the most part, and if somebody could just give me an exact date and time when this little twerp was coming out, I would feel like I could better enjoy the time that is left to me.
But, instead, I just have to wait.
Just wait, watching as my newly-formed stretch marks get bigger every day.
Just wait, knowing that, at any time, my body will erupt into the most intense pain a woman can feel, I may or may not gush fluid uncontrollably all over wherever I am standing, and then someone who is roughly 8 lbs will come barreling out of my poor nether-regions.
So, yes, it is hanging over my head a bit.
What’s new with you?