Sunday, February 12, 2012

Do I regret moving to NJ?

Jenners asked me:

Do you regret moving to NJ?

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The short answer? No, but only because it needed to be done.

The long answer?  Sometimes.

(Get ready for JOURNAL TIME!  Feel free to skip it, otherwise, good luck.

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I regret not taking this move more seriously.  I was all- “What an adventure!  Once in a lifetime opportunity!  Let’s gooooo!” and not really giving myself time to anticipate or prepare for all of the emotions and ramifications this move would have.

So, it all kind of snuck up and hit me a few weeks after moving and…ouch. 

Suddenly, I realized that I had left behind my HOME, my contact with family, my friends, the margarine and cheese that I have always had for Heaven’s sake! 

It was a hard transitional time for all of us.  I’m not going to lie- it was a hard time in my life, and not very positive and spunky like I may have come across here. 

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Sometimes, I feel like the results of that hasty move and my flippant mindset towards the decision still effect my time here.  I think that if I had prepared myself better, I could have dealt with those emotions in a much easier and healthy way, and I would probably be enjoying myself more.

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(Isaac on the streets of New York the day after we moved.)

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BUT, as I mentioned above, I don’t regret it, because it needed to be done.

We got married really young, see, and had our kids young, and all of a sudden there we were: 25,  with two kids, a HUGE mortgage, and a job that Brian liked enough/felt comfortable enough in to see himself working there for the rest of his work-life.

So, what was next?  We were just feeling kind of…stagnant.  Comfortable.   Everything was so EASY (Oh!  How I long for that EASINESS!)

Looking back, it turns out that all we probably needed was a nice long VACATION to New York City, but whatever.

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Then, this opportunity came up, out of the blue.  It fell into our laps.  And once we read about it and started dreaming of the possibility of us?! In New York City?!  Making big money and doing all of the millions of things there are to do here?!  Well, there was no turning back.

Our comfortable life would have been…stifling… once we held it up next to that option.

We needed to shake things up and prove to ourselves that we could do fun things and make reckless, fun and exciting decisions!  We were interesting people, gosh darn it!

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And it has been nothing but WONDERFUL for Brian’s career.  The man who could have gone on the fast track career-wise after college, but chose to settle down and have a family with me?… well he gets to work in New York City!

Since I am assuming that anyone who has read on this far is not a crazy stalker I am going to go ahead and say it- Brian works in Times Square!  He gets to run video conference calls with Budapest, London, and Hong Kong!  It sounds corny, but my heart just bursts with pride!

And it has been so rewarding to be able to “give” him (not quite the right word, but neither is “allow” since it was a joint decision) this opportunity!  To prove to myself that the boys and I haven’t held him back from his dreams at all.

This move will only serve to make us so much more content when we reach “comfortable” again.

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(Just after nursing Isaac in Central Park)

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As for me personally, oh heavens, it has made me so much stronger.  And so much more tired.  I developed an eye twitch this week!  So score another one for New jersey stress! 

But I have so much more confidence in myself!  I can go new places (heck! new countries!) and conquer anything that I set out to do with the boys! 

I can survive Brian working late…a lot of nights out of the year. 

I can make decisions on my own and raise kids without the support of family.  I don’t WANT to do any of these things, per se, but now I know that I CAN.

Has it been the hardest year and half of my entire life?  Yes.  Yes.  (insert curse word here) Yes!

Do I regret it? No.  Not really.

 

6 comments:

Maureen said...

Really nice and honest answer, Caitlin! I agree, you are an even more capable and confident young lady and that will be with you always for this journey called LIFE!

septembermom said...

I applaud your honesty!! You and Brian are exploring an exciting part of your life together. Enjoy it!

I was in Times Square on Thursday. Love that energy.

We went to a Rangers game at MSG.

Jenners said...

Thank you for your honest and open answer. I asked the question because I really wondered what a massive change like that must be like. It is hard to change everything in your life all at once, but I do think you're stronger for it and you won't look back and say "I wish we might have." I know what you mean about feeling setttled and almost too comfortable but it is good to shake things up. Whenever I have gone through big change in my life, it has ended up being for the best -- despite the pain in getting there. Thanks for sharing. You totally rock and I so wish you were in SOUTH Jersey!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I'm glad that even though you're there, you're still able to go back and visit like you do. And wow, the city has so much to offer!

ter@waaoms said...

Even though it was a tough transition for you and your family, I think it's also good that you have this experience, and allowed yourselves to not try it. I think you'd have more regrets having not given it a shot. That said, I hope you are able to reach "comfortable" again.

(me, I've lived in the same province [ different cities ] my whole life! )

Nathan Rains said...

you crammed so much fun into your time there! forgot to say that you have played on the east coach beaches... so cool! and seen vermont in the fall!