Next up, Freya, who asked:
“With the slight concern that (as I have a link to your blog from mine) my boyfriend might read this (Steve: Don't panic, it's only a question!)... my question is:
How did you persuade (bribe? trick?) Brian into having kids?!”
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Well, Freya, having children was a mutual decision, as it should be. We were both equally involved in the process.
Menstruation!
Mammogram!
Tampon!
.
There.
Hopefully that got rid of Steve and Brian. Just us girls now, eh? Here is what I really did:
- Be clear from the beginning. I told Brian right away that I wanted lots of babies asap (after marriage for us) so that he couldn’t say later that he was unprepared or tricked into anything.
And he didn’t run away! Even though he was only 18 at the time! (Proof that the previously mentioned “schmooty” is a powerful weapon!)
Too late for that? I am pretty sure that guys looove “relationship discussions” especially when they involve big expectation-changes! So I would sit him on down and have a chat!
- Then, start casually dropping into the conversation how no one is ever ready for children!
And how you don’t have to be financially stable per se (they hardly eat for the first 2 years for pete’s sake!) But, you should preferably have a steady income.
(Although we got pregnant with Joseph while Brian was still in college and I had dropped out and was a nanny. So…)
Bring up as many examples as you can think of (feel free to use me. We are doing fine now! See!?!) to support your theory.
- Also, bring up a lot the benefits of having children young(er).
Leave around little magazine articles or links to medical websites that site the advanced-maternal-age to fetal complications research.
Mention how much FUN your parents (or whomever you know) are having at the beach this week! Isn’t it NICE that they had children young so that they can have fun/enjoy each other in their 50s?!
It’s really what we are clinging to.
-Get him around babies ASAP! Lucky for me, I have 14 nieces and nephews (15 tomorrow!) so there were plenty to choose from!
(A young Brian with my nephew and niece long before Joseph…so unsuspecting)
But really, any baby will do as long as they are:
a) not crying
b) not vomiting
and
c) not pooping all over themselves/their clothing.
If any of the above starts to happen- QUICK! Throw that baby back to his/her mom and distract your boyfriend! Kiss him! Turn on football! We want him to think that babies = sweet smells and gummy smiles!
So, actually, a kid might be easier. Some charming youngster who will ask adorable questions (maybe with a lisp? too much?) show him cool toys (that he can play with too if he becomes a Dad!) and then trot off to color quietly.
Heck, I’d have 5 more if I saw that!
Really, though, I think that I just lucked out and got a guy who was on board with me, loved kids and was ready to jump on in and have some!
Jump on in with us! The water’s fine!
But, becoming a parent for the first time is tough- even if you are both ready. If you aren’t on the same page even at the beginning, then it will just make it harder.
Crossing my fingers for you…
.
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Whew! That was a long-winded one. Freya’s second question will have to wait for next time!
4 comments:
I think you did luck out. It is obvious to me that you are both cut out for this parenting thing (and the marriage thing) and that is something!!!
I took FOREVER to have a child and it was hard as heck. I will NOT be the young grandmother frolicing at the beach. I will be the old mom at my son's high school gradution. We are at such differnt ends of the spectrum.
Anyway, enough of that, Go FREYA! Go forth and procreate!
Oh how I loved looking at all those pictures! And your answer was honest and great advice, too. I can't imagine Brian desiring children as early as he did or as much as he does - until you came into his life, Caitlin. You two are certainly a team on the same page...in many ways, but not necessarily every way :)
I remember a sweet thing Brian said when Joseph was just a tiny baby, long before he was "adorable", but mostly just a little lump of humanity. He said, "I knew our baby would be cute, but I didn't know he would be THIS cute!!" See...Dad's are hooked almost immediately.
Thanks Caitlin,
A very full answer, thanks very much. And Steve hasn't stopped talking to me/started refusing to get naughty, so I guess he hasn't read it.... (Maybe the girl-talk force-field at the beginning did it's job!).
I have been trying to force Steve into regular contact with cute babies with some success - he really likes the one he knows....but refuses to generalise. Oh well, I'll keep trying (and might just employ some schmooty-based incentives too! Bwah ha ha)
Cheers!
PS Young Brian = So cute!
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