Next up, Freya, who asked:
“With the slight concern that (as I have a link to your blog from mine) my boyfriend might read this (Steve: Don't panic, it's only a question!)... my question is:
How did you persuade (bribe? trick?) Brian into having kids?!”
Well, Freya, having children was a mutual decision, as it should be. We were both equally involved in the process.
Hopefully that got rid of Steve and Brian. Just us girls now, eh? Here is what I really did:
- Be clear from the beginning. I told Brian right away that I wanted lots of babies asap (after marriage for us) so that he couldn’t say later that he was unprepared or tricked into anything.
And he didn’t run away! Even though he was only 18 at the time! (Proof that the previously mentioned “schmooty” is a powerful weapon!)
Too late for that? I am pretty sure that guys looove “relationship discussions” especially when they involve big expectation-changes! So I would sit him on down and have a chat!
- Then, start casually dropping into the conversation how no one is ever ready for children!
And how you don’t have to be financially stable per se (they hardly eat for the first 2 years for pete’s sake!) But, you should preferably have a steady income.
(Although we got pregnant with Joseph while Brian was still in college and I had dropped out and was a nanny. So…)
Bring up as many examples as you can think of (feel free to use me. We are doing fine now! See!?!) to support your theory.
- Also, bring up a lot the benefits of having children young(er).
Leave around little magazine articles or links to medical websites that site the advanced-maternal-age to fetal complications research.
Mention how much FUN your parents (or whomever you know) are having at the beach this week! Isn’t it NICE that they had children young so that they can have fun/enjoy each other in their 50s?!
It’s really what we are clinging to.
-Get him around babies ASAP! Lucky for me, I have 14 nieces and nephews (15 tomorrow!) so there were plenty to choose from!
(A young Brian with my nephew and niece long before Joseph…so unsuspecting)
But really, any baby will do as long as they are:
a) not crying
b) not vomiting
c) not pooping all over themselves/their clothing.
If any of the above starts to happen- QUICK! Throw that baby back to his/her mom and distract your boyfriend! Kiss him! Turn on football! We want him to think that babies = sweet smells and gummy smiles!
So, actually, a kid might be easier. Some charming youngster who will ask adorable questions (maybe with a lisp? too much?) show him cool toys (that he can play with too if he becomes a Dad!) and then trot off to color quietly.
Heck, I’d have 5 more if I saw that!
Really, though, I think that I just lucked out and got a guy who was on board with me, loved kids and was ready to jump on in and have some!
Jump on in with us! The water’s fine!
But, becoming a parent for the first time is tough- even if you are both ready. If you aren’t on the same page even at the beginning, then it will just make it harder.
Crossing my fingers for you…
Whew! That was a long-winded one. Freya’s second question will have to wait for next time!